The Last Piece of Text
I just need to let this out. I have to because if not, I’ll slowly destroy myself.
TO THAT ONE PERSON I HAD TO LET GO halfheartedly.
I’m sorry.
I never expected and thought of how big the effect was on me. I really ripped out a huge piece of my heart and soul that I can never replace. YOU.
I broke your heart. I deserve the pain. I deserve this.
but allow me to tell you how I’m feeling, how I felt and how i’ll feel. and I’m not trying to have you back.
Let me start from the very beginning.
8/12/26
that was supposed to be the date where we would start forever.
Remember how we started before?
Remember those times when we just stay up all night using up my 1,000+ minutes of calls? How we would talk on endless things and just listen to our breathing. Oh those times we felt so inseparable.
Remember those times when we’d stay at the mall after classes and talk? we’d open up to each other that time.
Remember that time when you finally became mine? The song. the 3 white roses. The pizza and how you said yes to the command “be my girlfriend.”
Remember those first few fights? How we’d always fix it before the day ends. That was how we became strong.
Remember how i vowed that I will fulfill your checklist? To be the one who could show you the sunset, the sunrise and the green rose. Well the sunrise was the one that I never completed yet.
But…
We slowly changed. drifted even.I started working. I had my thesis going, family problems. I juggled work, thesis and school and there was you. I started giving less and less of surprises. I had a lot of lapses. Fights have become worse. I had my tantrums you had yours. Through the second year of our relationship we changed a lot. We grew apart.
I’m sorry. I changed we both did.
Then the greatest wave came. When I never thought the inevitable could happen. But it did. But hey guess what? we got through it. I thought that was it, but I was wrong.
After that, I thought I wouldn’t have insecurities or thoughts. But deep down I was having issues on my own. On the outside while I was trying to fix and be better for us, while we were rebuilding what we had. I already had my doubts, if I could still continue us. Deep down I was having the mess that I never thought I could have.
Who would have thought that someone like me who knew what I was supposed to do, how I planned my future exactly how I could succeed to it. But believe it or not the more I tried to tell it to everyone the more I tried to convince myself. I started to doubt.
I never thought it would happen but it did. and law school came.
The more I thought about my life, the more I doubted. The more what ifs and the more questions. More family issues arrive, more responsibilities, more work. more expectations. I didn’t know what to do.
I started thinking on giving up on you. Until I did.
I’m sorry. I gave up on you. I just couldn’t understand anymore. I fucked up. I deserve this.
But thank you. Thank you for the almost 3 years of love and commitment. Thank you for appreciating someone like me. Thank you for taking consideration of my love. Thank you for those epic moments, those ayala nights, those skype moments, access moments, imax and wonderful memories. Always remember you will always be that part of me that I can never forget. You are my one great love.
I’d just like to tell you that I still love you. I will always love you, its just that I’m so fucked up right now. I have been for a long time. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for being a jerk. But do know that I love you so much and I could never bring you to my misery. That’s why I chose to let you go. It was better that way. I can’t love you wholly if I could not even understand myself.
But right now seeing you happy, though it breaks my heart is the best thing that I could ever do to you. After all that you’ve been through that was the least I could do. To let you go. And just one tiny favor, I might be happy seeing you smile, I’m still hurting whenever I see you with other people. So if it would be fine if you’d respect my space until I could heal? Also, for the things that I gave you, throw it, dispose it, burn them if you want. Just don’t give it back okay? I ripped my heart away from yours. I deserve that.
It hurts to know that someone is making you happy than me. It hurts to know that someone is beside you other than me. But that’s alright. I have to fix myself first. I am hurting but if its the thing that I have to do just to see your smile again then I would never hesitate to do it twice.
I promise you won’t see me that much or hear me that much. I’ll stay away. I know you’re still mad. and this time, I’ll stay away. This is gonna be the last ‘sweet’ thing that I’ll do to you. I need to heal and find myself back. You win this time. and I concede. I give up, finally surrendering.
I will be okay. Time will heal me and will fix me up. Time will tell.
This is it. I’ll always be her for you. ALWAYS UNFATHOMABLE. I love you.
ALL IT TAKES TO CHANGE IS THE DISTANCE
Hey you,
I can still remember the first time we met, yet it was awkward but I was happy. I can still remember that I accepted the fact the you came from a place that’s 732km away from my place, and I still said to myself, “I’m going the distance with her.” I never thought it’d be this hard. I thought, our relationship would pass through the archipelago, the mountains, the islands and the seas that would separate us from time to time. I was wrong.
Everytime we part, there is always change. A change, in the way you view the world and the way i view mine. It was like I always meet a new person and I’m excited to know it. But it turned out, I’ll end up crying at the first week you came back and ask, what happened? because the missing ingredient we always have when we’re away from each other is that we are never open to each other. NEVER. Communication is at the minimal. Your first trips, I wasn’t that bummed that communication was at minimal because at the end of the day, we talk, call each other, text each other, saying sweet nothings to each other, and talking about the little things we do. I would’ve never survived LDR without those things, because those things make me feel that YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE, that despite the fact of our distance YOU STILL MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL, that US is always there. ALWAYS.
But with this present day that we’re apart again. Our Communication changed, what was minimal, was now rare, hard to find. WHAT HAPPENED THERE? WHAT HAPPENED TO US? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LATE NIGHT CALLS? THE SWEET EXCHANGE OF TEXTS? THE SWEET NOTHINGS? it was GONE. It all disappeared. I understand that you get busy with things. But you shouldn’t forget me, Now that’s just unfair. I think about you all the time, with everything I do, I REMEMBER YOU. Do you do the same too? I guess, all it takes to change is the distance. You make me assume that you forgot about us, that us is just a piece of toy ready to be opened when you’re not there. Or maybe whenever you’re lonely. YOU CHANGED, in all aspect i could think of. Since day 1, we always had different views, we even have a different faith, we were opposites in many ways. But I accepted that, because I like you in all ways possible. But what happened in our compromise and understanding? Why have you been different lately? Why? For LDR to work, there should always be communication, but that , in us, is ABSENT, and that mere absence shows how you change, how everything changed, how US CHANGED. LDR will never work without it, therefore, we can never work out in a situation like this, without it.
So here I am, writing a letter, telling you how I feel right now, at this very moment. I have to let these all out than crying for the 6th night in a row, thanks to you. Im trying to be strong, but in one way or another, my strength will falter, if I’m the only one who’s gonna be reaching out.
ALL IT TAKES TO CHANGE IS THE DISTANCE.
-chee
(via adhoorikahani)
(via badluckbianca)
I am a very private person, yet I am an open book.
If you don’t ask…I won’t tell.
(via florential)
(via badluckbianca)
They told me to pour my heart into everything I do. So that’s what I did, I poured and poured and poured. Now they ask me why I’m so empty.
COME BACK.
growing apart is nothing, but going back together is. Its when, you see her the same way but she looks at you less this time. Less with feelings, less with emotions, less with everything. How can you get that someone back when in fact you don’t know where to start? Where in fact its seems like everyday you become lesser and lesser valuable to that person. Yes its hard. The pain you get is real. Will you accept it? Or fight it? Its excruciating, but the best thing to do is to let her go. Since seeing you with her only makes her less happy than she is with someone. :)
(via coldaslt)
(Source: psych-facts, via yelyahwilliams)
The people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far they wander.